Newspaper Archive of
Arkansas Catholic
Little Rock, Arkansas
November 18, 1911     Arkansas Catholic
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November 18, 1911

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r.p m 'l-IE SOUTHERN GUARDIAN I I  I1! |lH|||ll!|millIll m,I i  | God they hit!" HIS HEART WAS IN THE beaming RIGHT PLACE. An Irishman applying for a pen- sion at Washington insisted upon the justice of Iris claim owing to the fact that he had been wounded while, in the service of his country, "How and where were you wound- ed?" one of the conlnlittee inquired. Placing his hand over his heart he said: "l was strut in the hr-reast on a retrate from Bull Run, yet Honor." "Shot through the breast ou a re- treat?" said the committeeman. "How could you be shot through the breast on a retreat?" "I had the indiscretion to tur-rn and look hack, yer Honor." WHO REALLY "DONE" IT. In one of the large cities a pri- mary teacher was one day instruct- ing her class in the composition of sentences. She wrote two sentences on the blackboard, one a misstate- ment of fact, and the other wrong grammatically. The sentences were: "The hen has three legs" and "Who done it?" "Willie," she said to one of the youngsters, "go to the board and show where the fault lies in those two sentences." Willie slowly approached the is your mother?" "'My mother's not in; she's down living. street on a message," promptly re- "Unlph!" said Big Smoke. Me plied tile lad. preach." "Indeed," replied th eminister, "That so? What do you get for with a glance at the bottom of the screen. "Well, tell her I called; and preaching?" say that the next time she goes "Me git ten dollars a year." down to the village she should take "Well," said the white man, "that's her feet with herl" mighty poor pay." -: :  "Umph]" said Big Smoke, "me THE MAN SHE HEARD ABOUT. mighty poor preach." "There was one man whose life SHE DECLINED. was perfect," said the Sunday-school teacher. Simpson gallantly escorted his '"But if you were shot through the breast in the place you indicate the ball would have gone through your heart, How is that?" "Me heart was in me mouth at the time, yer Honor." He got his pension. WHAT NHE WAS THANKFUL FOR. An experience meeting of gratitude for blessings bestowed was being held, and th meeting had been "thrown open to any present," One ofter another rose and spoke of peace and contentment under circumstances that seemed im- possible, judged from a worldly standpoint. Some said they were thankful for things they had missed, and at last an old lady arose, push- ed back her sunbonnet and, with a board, evidently studyiug hard. Then "Which one of you can he took the crayon and wrote: "The who he was?" hen never done it. God done it." , , .: ONE ON GEORGE. "Oh, myI" she exclaimed im- patiently; "we'll be sure to miss the first act. We've been waiting a good many minutes for that mother of tell me Boston hostess to the table. "'Little Mary jane's hand went up, "May I," he asked, "sit on your and the teacher nodded to her. right hand?" "He was mamma's first husband," "No," she replied, "I have to eat she said. with that. You'd better take a : :  chair." A LARGER FIELD. mine." "Father, ] am not sure whether I "Hours, I should say," he replied, shall be a specialist for the ears or rather tartly, the teeth," said a strating son. 'Ours? she cried joyfully. "Oh George, this is so sudden I" SHE LEFT HER FEET BEHIND. A good old Scotch minister, call- ing unexpectedly on a widow who "Choose the teeth, my boy; every- bo(ly has thirty-two of them, but only two ears." TO THE HEAD OF THE CLASS. "What is the definition of a kiss?" lives in a cottage on the outskirts of asked the teacher of a girl at class. the village, surprised her in the midst "I should say it was a noun--both of washing a lot of clothes. She common and proper. L. S. Stahl TIN, SHEET IRON ANO COR- NICE WORKER Hot Air Furnaces. Metal and Slate Roofing. All Work Guaranteed. xx3-xx$ East Third Street: Phone a3o ..... Little Rock, Ark. = Now Open Matiiaee 3 o'clock I Now Night 7:30 and 9:00 ! - Vaudeville of Quality " =_ 3 =. Prices: Matinee, 10c and 20c; Night, 10c, 20c and 30c fl II I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I III I I I I IIII I II I I I I I I III II I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I II I II III II II IIII I I I I fill I IT Open i " I lililtitltillttllllttllllitillliittttlttilttl Itliliitltliltiitttilllitllltlllttlllllltllllltlllllllllll "- lrql -- - Arcadia College " I i URSULINE ACADEMY FOR YOUNG LADIES In beautiful Arcadia Valley. Delightfully situated. B ul I din gs --_ m i spacious and commodious. Just the school for your daughter. Departments---Collegiate, Acad emie, Preparatory. = Course--Classical English, Commer cial, Music, Art. --" For further informat|on address Mother Superior, Arcadia College --- Arcadia, Mo. " lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll|lllllll|llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll illllliltll- The German National Ba00k OF LITTLE ROCK, ARKANS CAPffAL. $3Ol,llO Founded 1878 SuI'pIuI and Plelill, $$51,111 " a. A. LITTLE, Pregident E.T. REAVES, Cashier R H THOMPSON, Ass't, ssh'' ' " " O. P. ROBINSON, V.-Pres. D. O. FONES,' V-Prel. M'. ll'. LONG. Ass't CssP.I, "tf ' "i nmmmns.., nuupem e u,..l. yet Imremve methods which Ive chars crew+.  pstronu. ' meat o this oln k have lOl.Ollly mt,K i htOP/W IUCCe. but mmm continued Iety a isco ,o WE PAY INTEREST ON TIME CERTIFICATES OF DEPO IT Wo re$pect|ully invite Account$ of th$e who deaire a Sa|$ D $ps|try for their Fund